170504
[taking the first step]
today's kinda weird. the feeling's terrible. like "im dying!", "im dying too!" kinda feeling. everyone seems damn dead and sad..
almost couldn't wake up cuz i slept at 2. couldn't slp. felt damn bek and tot there was smth wrong wif my eyes cuz one side was blurier than the other.
went sch. everyone seemed so zoned out. prick was dead tired and looked rather guilty. tiff gaf me pres. haha.. q gan dong. but she was feeling sick so not as fun lars. gina was in a weird mood. like q sad but trying to be happy. yimei looked dead, bert looked dead... basically everyone was in bad condition. urgh.
had pe. sanusi was asking me if the 'casualties' had any bfs. then i was like yea. then he was like 'no wonder! got bfs tt's y so much problems!' haha.. boy i had to agree man. damn funny.:p yelled at nafeesa. damn pissed at her. like testing my patience liddat. i mean im like controlling for so long liaos then i suddenly blew it. hais..
dragged myself to bathe. din bring any soap wad so eva so hadta borrow frm yimei. then dragged myself again to the canteen. was sharing tips on how to get selective memory wif gina. she said some of daryl's tips sucked but din elaborate. hehs.
hwei came. was toking and complaining to her abt stuff then we tokked abt her band thingy. haha.. so corny..
went for geog. mrs ong was in q a bad mood. could tell. slept in geog. smth i've not done in q a long time. im juz totally no mood lars.
went for math tutorials. din do my hw but mr tham forgave me. phew. went for geog tutorial later. haha.. i din look mans! hehe!! at least tt's a first step eh? no matter how diff the thing is, there's always a first step.
then went for econs. slept some more. then lunch. oh man.. we juz hadta que behind the ppl who ordered like tens of millions of plates of food last wk lors. and guess wad? they did the same again today. hais.. felt like smashing his face.
went for gp. felt shitty cuz din do hw and got nagged by dalgit. made me feel so stressed cuz she kept comparing stuff. and she juz hadta tok in tt choo choo train way and comment tt we'll nv pass our gp at this rate. arghhhh!! bek bek bekkk!! there goes my fav subject in the 1st 3 mths. hais..
then went for pw. cheong like any mad thing. heng we managed to complete everything. hope it gets approved this time round. met yuyan in the room cuz we were having pw in free access. realised tmr mite not haf co pract. if dun haf then i cant pon cca on wed lors. need to pract at least once a week! besides tt's the j2's last day sooo.. hais.. mebbe i wun be going out wif them lars.
slept in lit. dunno how come lors. one min i was like writing the nxt min i juz woke up frm my slp. hais.. din take much notes. betta go check wif anagha or smth.
sally msged in the middle of lit. went wif gina to meet her. they 2 very cute leh! same ht and same size and all.. totally twinified lors. hehe.. :p
tokked to sally for awhile. she was damn sad. im so sorry if im one of the factors man. as in u dun hafta feel so sad for me lars. minor prob. gif me 8mths. ill solve it by then. heh.. and abt ron? dun bother abt him. wad an ass.
then went canteen. tokked sumore. felt sad sumore. completed geog. passed it up. walked out wif sal. mom reached juz in time.(an uncommon thing) then here i am lors.
really dun feel like doing work but muz really stop this procrastinating nonsense. hais..

160504
[thanks for letting me know]
woke up late today. like ard 9-10 liddat. went out to eat brunch wif my family. my dad was damn pissed wif my sisters. hais.. think he kena menopause or smth. do men get menopause? heard they do but issit scientifically proven?? hehe..
borrowed a bk frm the library. missed reading. haven read for a long time liaos. besides i was like trying to avoid going to the library cuz there were some experiences there. hais..
went home. read awhile. bathed. took mrt to city hall. haha.. got so many memories ard tt place oso. sometimes i really wonder wad do you consider a good memory? does smth tt makes u feel bittersweet inside considered?
i was like the earliest. as usual. nxt time im juz gonna tell my pals the meeting time 30mins earlier so when i get there ill be juz in time to meet em. haha..
went mrs fields to eat brownies for dinner. damn wuliaos.. in the end oso din finish. haha..
walked to the esplanade after tt. haha.. my 2nd time at the esplanade ever since it opened. first time was on 11th dec '02. not bad eh? gd memory! heh. wad a joke.
went in rather early. watched the merlion (prick's bf) who was so 'curvy' and 'squirting water out so masculinely'.(quoting prick) haha..
the concert hall was damn zai. like so pro liddat. but the seats were like chao straight. can be q uncomfy. hehs. band's performance was ok. co rawwwkkkss!! made me become even more obsessed wif my cca. jing jing and ying yong were damn cool lors! prick and my idols. haha.. oh yeas. tqi was like sketching stuff throughout. paid 18bux to sketch stuff. hais.. but conducive environment lars. got music as background. haha..
went for supper. sal joined us. we saw one of our sn fren's ex wif some other ger. tqi was damn angry lars. was diaoing him like siaos. waliaos. if looks could kill man. but wth. he's a bastard anws. heh.
walked ard. they sang one in a million. tqi said tt one in the million is nothing. but i was thinking yea rite. it makes a diff. tt one in a million can make u happier wif juz a smile, a msg, a hug. make ur day shine brighter even when it's raining outside. isn't tt rite? haha.. mebbe im wrong. mebbe im right.
went to starbucks. ate a lil. tokked. tt's when i found out abt yesterday. bloody fuckers dun keep their words. or issit selective memory?? made me damn bek. thanx alot dude. ruining ppl's life experiences.
was bek like any mad thing. decided to take mrt back. sat on the floor of the station wif tqi and prick. made us feel like delinquents but wth. too irritated to care.
called daryl. din reply. msged him then finally when we changed to nel then he called me back. urghhh!! felt damn shitty lars!!! tokked for q a long time all the way back home until my batt died then had to tok using home phone. i dunno y i wanted to tok to him. prob cuz he's a guy and frm the same sch and could tell me wth he's thinking. hais.. thanx alot bro. toking to u helped q abit. rather insightful in fact. hais.. will try out ur advice. want it to work man. hehs... 8mths is a long time but i can make it i hope. haha.. btw this is totally crazy. we're like giving each other tips. madness.. haha..

if you can do it, i can too. who says my life will be any worse without you.