cheryl's underpaid. cheryl's gonna quit in about 20 days' time. this is bad. how come it's always something that starts out gd ends badly fer me? ok. next time i hope i don't like you at first sight and remain that way for awhile before i start to change my opinion of you. those sorta friendships always last longer for me. in any case, as long as stuff is more or less solved and people hang onto something that we can decently call "friendship", it's good enough for me. i just don't want stuff to end on a sour note. i can't take it. it's rather painful to see people you once knew and were close to walking on the streets and pretending not to see them. i mean that sucks right? urghhh...
besides other than that i've noticed what i know of the real world is close to zilch. stupid, naive me. i'm finding myself wishing desperately to go back to that more or less safe and protected shell of life-before-work. where people don't scream and yell and basically throw verbal abuses at you and expect you to take it in a calm manner. where everyone comes from a more or less whole, safe family background. where people around you have seen about as much of the world as you and can maintain relatively positive, not-to-cynical view of the world around us. where people don't scheme and do sneaky things behind your back. and yada yada yada.... where is my safe haven mannn?? yes. this job have opened my eyes to the world. opened them freakin wide. but the harder you try to pry them open, the harder i'd wanna shield myself again it. urghhh... sad/horrible/lucky/tragic/happy-go-lucky/intelligent/power-hungry/lying/poor/ rich/insane/lazy/slow/tolerant/cynical/good people. i've seen them all and more in my colleagues and customers. sometimes i wonder if the exhaustion is a physical one or rather, a mental and emotional one 'cause, truthfully, i'm that sort that berton describes as someone who believes that she can still "save the world". sure, my quitting is more or less confirmed. just that perhaps, despite how much i loathe reality, i might still miss this job. bleah.
