honestly, haven't been feeling fantastic these past few days. i dunno why but i'm getting down pretty often of late. yeas. so besides several issues i absolutely refuse to disclose on a blog for all the world to see, there're the usual issues that pops up in times like this.

on family
sometimes i wish my parents would be more supportive and at least update themselves on what i'm doing or intend to do. they think they know everything about me when they can't even remember the subjects i took in school. i hate the fact that they just expect you to jump into maturity and adulthood the moment you reach 18. like one minute they'll insist on sending you everywhere (even to/from farking SCHOOL) and the next they'll be telling you to go to work and come back by yourself. and ironically, though they expect you to grow up overnight, they STILL don't bloody seek matters concerning you like 90% of the time and STILL believes that your time ought to be more flexible than theirs though you're working your ass off from 7-8 on weekdays. yes, i know we're your average traditional asian family but then again, it's the 21st century and i loathe it when people adopt a know-it-all/don't-argue-with-me-cuz-i'm-'bigger' attitude. yeas. i guess i'm just a brat. blah.

on friends
i befriend almost anyone cuz though i may not agree with their thinking in the end i'll tend to like em as they are. in any case, i still have expectations especially when it comes to close friends.
1. reliability. when you say you'll be there (even if you'll be late) or you'll do an important favour for me or keep a secret i expect you to do it. i mean you can always give a flat out 'no' which won't hurt as much as raising my expectations and making me wait. frankly, i hate that and if you do it often enough truly, it might even risk our friendship.
2. being there. i don't expect my buddies to be there ALLLLLL the time or dish out fabulous advice everytime i'm having probs. all i need is someone who cherishes the friendship enough to chat with me sometimes when i think of them or need them. (note: it's SOMETIMES. which mean only once in awhile. i understand that my friends have their needs and plans as well)
3. this doesn't apply to the closer buds but don't be too critical and think you know me darn well and start making assumptions. especially for those who've haven't spoken to me in more than half a yr and whom i've never been fantastically close to. i hate overt criticisms like everyone else yeas? tolerance does have it's limits.

on guys
1. intelligence and wit. i'm not talking about einstein here but just smart you know? someone you can hold a decent conversation with and feel some mental stimulation without the convo taking too serious a turn.
2. reliability. i'm not what you'd call a leaner but people in general get into a needy phase once in a very blue moon and admittedly, the comfort you get from a boyfriend/girlfriend would be different from that you get from your buds.
3. understanding of the difference and balance between pride and humility.
4. honesty. yes, everyone is more or less a lying bastard but i prefer less.
5. courteous towards my folks and kind to my sibs.
6. initiative. i want my guy to initiate the relationship no matter what. it's some unexplainable thingy i have there. i can be initiative about anything other than starting the relationship man.
7. and yes. chemistry.