i feel a sense of loss as i prepare for the upcoming exams. there's a goal, yes. but there is no clear sense of direction. and especially when i'm exhausted or demoralised, the goal seems too far and unattainable (at least by me), the reasons for getting there insubstantial.
yet, i fear the future. everytime i think of it, i get worried. there're simply too many things to take into consideration.
there is also the pain of realising that passion and ability is not synonymous with each other and deriving little encouragement from anything.
all these seem very incoherent i know. it is these and several other things that have resulted in the mental (and academic) mess that i'm in.

also, this will be the last post.
the stage of exhibitionism is over for me. somehow, these days i want to be alone more than ever. the few that i'm really attached to will know me as i am. there's no need for a blog for these people.
i feel like ending this blog but after 5 years, it's become a piece of me. many of my experiences, thoughts, feelings, memories (and non-memories) are recorded here. but if you really wanna know, know ME. not through a blog. but me.
in any case, it won't be a definite closure. i look forward to times when i've such great news of something (anything!) that i can use this as a platform to announce it to the world. or maybe, when i don't want to be alone anymore.