heli was just telling me about her teaching experiences at schools over lunch today. my teaching experiences are limited to tutoring small groups of less than 10, with parents forking out good money every month for the lessons (i.e. kids are obliged to sit up and listen).

it's not like i'm unaware that there're kids who are just not cut for studying/memorising. i know it and it pains me thinking how they're gonna be stuck in a society like ours without the means of getting out, cause ironically, chances are no country will want you without a decent education qualification. i guess after years of not getting the right grades, many just give up and become jaded and disillusioned.

i wonder what it'll be like handling a class full of such kids. giving up on studying, succumbing early to the ills of society, knowing what kind of impression they give to the general public and either not caring or fighting to put up a tough appearance or living up to it just so people won't forget they exist...
which leads me to wonder if i've the ability to make a difference. i know that there's gonna be resistance and complaints. after all, that's part of what being a teacher's like in today's world. what if one day, i give up and treat students just as students and not individuals with feelings, emotions and ability to think (don't everyone know of at least one teacher who's like that?)
will i be such? of course, there are those special ones who remain in the memories of those whose lives in which they've made a difference (mrs tan, i'll remember you for not giving up on me even though i failed almost every math test that came my way, even though i was on the brink of giving up on myself. besides math, you taught me that if i keep at something and try hard enough, i can achieve it.)
do i have it in me to be such a person? to be honest, i do not know if i've the perseverance, commitment, and most importantly ability to go all the way and see each class through every year, much less be an inspiration to a young person. which was why heli's stories put so many questions in my mind. but, i know that i love kids and if i gave it a shot, at the end of the day, at least i can tell myself that there're no regrets.